Mixed Feelings City
Nov. 8th, 2015 04:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tklivoryOn the one hand, joining the ranks of the unemployed unexpectedly always, always feels awful, no matter how you try to cadge or qualify it. Even worse because in a lot of ways, I really wanted to keep that job as long as I could (though as an Aspie, keeping *any* job for a long period of time seems to be difficult to the extreme).
I feel more vulnerable now, given I am in a single income household (whereas the last time I was unemployed, I was still married and could scrape by on that income if necessary). I'm older, which is never good for the job market in technology, and I have a lot of short employment jobs on my history.
On the other hand... I was on my way to an ulcer, I wasn't sleeping well, and the first sensation after the burst of panic was sheer relief, which I still feel every once in a while. I don't have to put up with that shit anymore, with the expectations that I somehow turn into a people person when I'm *clearly* not, that I don't have to guide something as important as a financial transition for the institution through its next stages. Ultimately, as much as the job had benefits that seemed to fit, it was (since acquiring a new head boss of the department) becoming a worse and worse match for me personally and ability-wise.
So I'm sad at losing a job that seemed a good fit, but the loss began months ago, not last week. I'm bad at knowing when to step away, so I'm relieved the decision was made for me, odd as it may sound.
Financially... we'll just have to see. I won't be desperate until next year, and I do have plenty of experience and technical know-how in the field. Maybe I'll use this as an opportunity to go into a related career like I've been tempted to do over the last few years.
So... mixed feelings city indeed. Hopefully I'll be able to find my writing groove in a few days, but for now, I'm really just enjoying... relaxing and not worrying about work. Until the burden was lifted, I didn't realize how much it weighed on my shoulders. Kinda like my marriage. *sigh*
I think wine and nachos are on the menu for tonight.
I feel more vulnerable now, given I am in a single income household (whereas the last time I was unemployed, I was still married and could scrape by on that income if necessary). I'm older, which is never good for the job market in technology, and I have a lot of short employment jobs on my history.
On the other hand... I was on my way to an ulcer, I wasn't sleeping well, and the first sensation after the burst of panic was sheer relief, which I still feel every once in a while. I don't have to put up with that shit anymore, with the expectations that I somehow turn into a people person when I'm *clearly* not, that I don't have to guide something as important as a financial transition for the institution through its next stages. Ultimately, as much as the job had benefits that seemed to fit, it was (since acquiring a new head boss of the department) becoming a worse and worse match for me personally and ability-wise.
So I'm sad at losing a job that seemed a good fit, but the loss began months ago, not last week. I'm bad at knowing when to step away, so I'm relieved the decision was made for me, odd as it may sound.
Financially... we'll just have to see. I won't be desperate until next year, and I do have plenty of experience and technical know-how in the field. Maybe I'll use this as an opportunity to go into a related career like I've been tempted to do over the last few years.
So... mixed feelings city indeed. Hopefully I'll be able to find my writing groove in a few days, but for now, I'm really just enjoying... relaxing and not worrying about work. Until the burden was lifted, I didn't realize how much it weighed on my shoulders. Kinda like my marriage. *sigh*
I think wine and nachos are on the menu for tonight.
